Someone once said, that when the parent shows two different fronts, one for church and one for home. When the "church" front only appears once or twice a week. That the kids begin to question. They begin to wonder. They begin to doubt.
They doubt everything there is to their life. They doubt their relationships. They doubt themselves. They doubt their abilities. They doubt their family, their friends. But worst of all...they begin to doubt God. They wonder if he's really there. Does he even exist. They wonder if he hears their cries each lonesome night. They wonder if he sees their pain, if he pays attention at all. They wonder. They hope. But in the end, they doubt. Everything they once knew to be true..is now up for questioning. Everything they trusted in, is no longer trust worthy. Their life is no longer the same. And slowly, ever so slowly. The children slip away. They fall away from their lives, away from God, from family, from friends, but especially from God. This doubt has eaten away their belief, living them with nothing. Its taken away their hope, their joy, their peace. They no longer believe the same things, they no longer dream the same dreams. They are doubting their very lives. All because their parents led a double life.
Some still believe that Children don't watch their parents actions, but I could beg to differ. I watched my Mom throughout the years, and slowly ever so slowly I began to fall. At first I didn't realize what was happening, I questioned life. I questioned God. I question everything there was in this world. Heck I questioned whether I was even real or not. Whether this world was really here. I've doubted. Doubted for so dang long that now, I don't know how to get back. I can't trust the path before my feet because I don't know where it goes anymore. I can't trust the words I hear, because I don't know the truth anymore. I can't trust my soul anymore because I no longer know what I value. What I feel. What I think. I don't know.This doubt has eaten away everything, leaving me with nothing. I watched my Mom, and look where I ended. Never again shall I follow after others. Never again shall I let myself be lead astray by the actions and behaviors that others put forth each passing day. Never again.
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