But I had not stolen it all. Hidden, in the back of that prison cell, staring out from the shadows, remained none but one thing. My Mind. Stealing one's own mind is a task that none have ever concurred, yet "I" was determined to try. And try I did. I threw everything I had into stealing the mind. I spent countless years bombarding it with attacks, but never succeeded.
And all the while the mind remained, it thought and thought. Every possible escaped it pondered. Every chance to be set free. Amongst all my brutal attacks, the mind remained. Growing more and more resentful with each passing day. And as the anger and frustration built, so did the hate. It flowed through the cracks in the door, and soaked the very vessel that I had stole. It swore to get revenge, it swore it would break free. It would finish me, take back the life I had stolen. It would alter me, it would remove the molds that "I" had so gladly conformed to. It would set "me" free and become the real "me".
Then something happened, something new and unexpected. The Mind, which had before absorbed the attacks, fought back. All the pent up emotion, outrage, pain, anger, resentment, hate, it flung right back. Knocking me to my feet. For the first time, the Mind rebelled. It took a stand and fought back, it was through dealing with my crap. It was ready to be set free, it was ready to start living.
Every day its strength grew, the places had been reversed. What I had once been trying to steal, I was now holding back. The mind was growing stronger now, everything I threw at it...it absorbed and threw right back. There was no winning this battle. There would be no happy ending. The mind was rebelling, it was no longer happy. It was no longer okay with its situation. It wanted change, it was tired of hiding. Tired of listening to others command it. It was ready to throw off the world, to embark on its own quest. The mind was tired of listening, tired of being the "good little church kid" the "goody good" the kind and gentle one. The helpful and obedient one. No, the mind did not take kindly to those things. I resented them with all its might, it despised authority. It hated hope and peace. I longed for rebellion and war. To ignore the ways of the worlds, to take things into its own hands. To ignore all who thought they knew best, to ignore all who thought that there was a real answer. No, the mind was not content.
The mind knew, it knew what was best. It knew what was right and wrong. It didn't need anyone or anything to govern its ways. The mind could take care of that. The mind had learned, long ago, that when you ask...you do not get. For when it had gone crying to its master, begging on its hands and knees. It had been ignored, neglected. When it was alone and scared, who was there to go to? Who did the mind have to turn to? Nothing. No one. It was alone, in the dark shadows peering out into the black night. Shivering in the cold. The mind wasn't always alone, but time had proved that eventually they all turn their backs. Eventually, you are alone. There is no one else in this world who truly cares, for when you need the most. When you are screaming for aid, they will simply ignore. Pretend you were never there. They accept the false truths, the pitiful lies. The tainted words they hear, the false smile and the glossy eyes. They accept it all as real. The mind had been alone, alone long enough to realize the truth. To realize that it never mattered. That in the end, you were always alone. That no matter what you did. You could never overcome it. It would find you. The mind knew, and it had accepted.
The prison bars break loose and the mind is free, running ramped through the world. I try to hide, but the mind...it knows, it throws me into the cell. Slamming the door shut and burning the key. I watch in horror as it shoves itself into the world. As it rebels against all that I had known. I watch in fear as it wanders off on its own, to start a life all alone. A life without friends, nor family. one without trust and love. Without God and Peace. Without hope or joy. The mind smashes the soul, rips free the masks and layers of walls. It flings itself into the open, trusting none but itself to lead the way. The mind is in control now. The mind will not obey. It will not conform. It removes the molds and crushes the views of society. It argues and fights. Destroys hope and peace. Ruins relationships and burns bridges. It hates with all its might as it seeks out other lives it can shatter. It knows naught but hate. Knows naught how to love. All it knows, it learned from the cell. It sees no need to do what is right, to help others, to provide. It sees no importance behind school, sees not how its actions hurt others. It sees naught but what it chooses. It sees the pain filled memories, the depressed state I left it in. It sees the ruin I had caused and vows to live life differently. It chooses to ignore the pleas and cries of others, just as it had once been ignored. It cannot see the need for God, nor the need for peace...within one's soul. Instead it sees the desire to change, the desperate need to abandon its life. To leave behind all I had gained.
It abandoned friends, family, God. It abandoned them all. The mind knew it all, it didn't need them for anything. They had tried to run its life. They had tried to change it. To force it back to confinement. No, the mind would not go back. It would not conform to the world. It would not obey, it would not give in. No, the mind was its own. The mind was its own ruler now. There was no going back. The mind was in control now, and its not going to give it up. The mind refuses to give back the life it had just regained. It refuses to let others take control, to let others dictate its life. No, the mind lives for itself and itself only. Never again shall the mind conform to the views of society, family, or even God. No the mind was its own, and its own it shall stay.
