Alter Ego or Bi-Polar? Or something totally different?

I have two sides. I think everyone knows that. Most people do, but there's something about mine. That separates me from the crowd. How to explain this, I'm not exactly sure. However I do know that I have, well....2 personalities. In a way. I feel like the person in all the cartoons with the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. Except, that's not exactly what its like with me. My 2 personalities know about each other, but are completely oblivious to the other's thoughts, ideas, wants, etc. (Which is why I call them "personalities"-its not exactly bi-polar...but...well, i don't know really)

Now, when one of these "personalities" is in control, the other is completely helpless. Like it's asleep or something. Actually this is only true when the "devil" personality is in control. Because that side is always "awake" while the other tends to sleep for long periods of time. 

However, I am currently the happier, lighter, carefree, God following one. Yet I can feel the other one plotting in the back of my mind on how and when it will take over next. So far, I've been in this "state" for a few days now. I think having a break from school and all that stress has eased up my life a bit. But I know that shortly, it will all go away and become a "Licorice" sort of day once more. 

I don't like it when this alter ego, personality, THING is in control. Yet when it is, I can't do anything. Its like I'm sitting there watching someone else run my life. I'm depressed, I'm hateful, angry, stubborn, sinful, full of rage, etc. Its NOT good. Now those are the times that I plot my "escape" when I flee from this place I call home and in a way "ditch" my life as I currently know it. That's when I think about running away and other depressing things. That's when I spend hours crying myself to sleep. '

I'm afraid of what might happen when this "alter ego" thing takes over. I don't KNOW what will happen and it scares me. More than it should. Yet at the same time, when I am in the happier more god fearing ego, its like there is this thing...preventing me from finding God. From Calling out to him, from hearing him, from talking to him, praying, believing...etc. Its like a...well, a block. Like something you would put on a computer to keep little kids from going to sites they shouldn't. Every time the word "GOD" shows up in my "screen" this "GOD-BLOCK" shuts everything down. 

I don't know what this "thing" has in store for my life. And I'm afraid to find out. All I want is a chance to escape from this "thing" eternally. To find my way back to God, even if it means I have to do it in the dark. I'll simply have to feel my way through until I see him again. 

(Analogy) I stumble off the brightly lit path each time this "thing" takes over, and I'm thrown into the darkness. I can no longer see the lights lining the path way and I'm lost in the dark woods. Trying to find my way back, but running into hidden trees in the process.