My life feels normal again. Back to the way it used to, but I know that in a few short weeks it will go back to being screwed up once more. You see, I saw my brother today. Josh. He's graduating from boot camp tomorrow, and we got to hang out with him today. While he was here things felt like they used to. But I know that come December 26th, I'll be back to my saddened possibly depressed self. With him gone, I'm not the same person that I really am. He's my brother, my beloved older brother. One who I have looked up to for my entire life. He's always been there for me, but when he's gone...its like part of me is missing. My life isn't in order, I'm not the same. He was the last thing that kept me from blowing up...from becoming the cruel, cold, harsh, insane, jerk, heartless mongrel that I really am. The side of me that's hidden 24/7, buried behind thick steel doors with deadbolts every where. The side of me that hasn't seen the light of day for years. YEARS!
But when he's gone...its like the doors become unlocked, and that evil side of me just walks right out. It explores its new freedom, tests the limits and then realizes that it enjoys this new freedom. It locks up the old self, and lives on...lying to everyone else. Shoving each and everyone away that so much as DARES to even begin to approach me.
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