Will I?

I am Depressed. There I said it, except technically I haven't. I have never said the word aloud, to myself, referring to myself. And now, on the day my brother gets married...I find myself sitting here thinking about how terribly screwed up I am.

What teenage girl in her right mind, (one that has grown up in the church), would run from God? Who would turn down his advice, turn away from his face, shove his words into the back of her mind, avoid talking to him, avoid thinking about him....what teenage girl would do such a thing?! A screwed up one....a screwed up, depressed one such as myself. That's who.

Now....now that I have such wonderful information within my grasp...what do I do with it? Do I shout it on the rooftops. "I'M DEPRESSED!" "I'M INSANE!" Do I confront my family and tell them the truth, and then be shoved into a psych ward for my screwed up brain?

Do I turn back to God? And if so...then how? Will I even be able to contain that dark side of me that doesn't want anything to do with him? Will I ever be able to? Will I?